Tumi, Apni or Tui? The Three Levels of 'You' in Bengali

English has one word for "you". Bengali has three, and choosing correctly is one of the most important social skills in the language.

The three levels

• আপনি (apni) — formal, respectful. Used with elders, strangers, teachers, and in professional situations.
• তুমি (tumi) — informal but respectful. Used with friends, peers and younger relatives, and often within families.
• তুই (tui) — intimate or familiar. Used with very close friends, siblings, children, and sometimes with servants, in which case it can sound disrespectful.

The verbs change too

The verb agrees with the level of formality. Take "to go" (যাওয়া):

• আপনি যান (apni jan)
• তুমি যাও (tumi jao)
• তুই যাস (tui jash)

Getting the pronoun right but the verb wrong sounds odd, so learn them as sets.

Choosing the level

A safe rule for learners is to use আপনি with anyone you don't know well, or who is older, and to switch to তুমি only when invited or when the other person uses it with you. Native speakers may say "you can call me tumi" to signal a shift.

Third person and other pronouns

• আমি (ami) — I
• আমরা (amra) — we
• সে (she) — he or she (informal)
• তিনি (tini) — he or she (respectful)
• তারা (tara) — they
• তোমরা (tomra) — you (plural, informal)
• আপনারা (apnara) — you (plural, formal)

Note that Bengali pronouns don't distinguish gender: সে means both "he" and "she". That is a helpful simplification, but it means you must rely on context when translating.

A mistake to avoid

Using তুই with someone you don't know well can come across as rude. Conversely, using আপনি with a very close friend can feel cold or ironic.

Family use

In many families, children use আপনি or তুমি with parents and grandparents, depending on the region and household. Watch what others do.

Practice

1. Write the "to go", "to eat" and "to be" verbs in all three levels.
2. Role-play a conversation with an elder using আপনি.
3. Practise switching to তুমি with a friend.
4. Look up each verb in the dictionary to check its forms.

Look up pronouns and verb forms with English Bangla Dictionary →