Making Up After an Argument: The First Message

After an argument, someone has to break the silence. The first message sets the tone.

Before you send

Take a moment to cool down. A message sent in anger can make things worse.

Ask yourself:

• What do I want: to win, or to reconnect?
• What part of this was mine?
• Am I ready to listen?

Principles of a good first message

• Be brief.
• Be warm.
• Own your part.
• Do not reopen the argument.
• Invite a conversation.

Sample messages

Simple

"I don't like fighting with you. Can we talk when you're ready?"

Owning your part

"I'm sorry for how I spoke earlier. I'd like to understand how you feel."

Gentle

"I miss you. Let's sort this out together."

Giving space

"Take the time you need. I'm here when you're ready."

What to avoid

• "I'm sorry you feel that way." It is not an apology.
• Blaming or listing grievances.
• Silence as punishment.
• Long messages that restate the argument.

Talk in person if you can

Messages open the door, but important issues are better discussed by voice or in person, where tone is clearer.

Listen

When you talk, listen to understand, not to reply. Let them finish.

Move forward

Agree on what to do differently next time. Small changes matter more than grand promises.

If it keeps happening

If the same fights recur, consider whether outside help, such as a counsellor, might help you both.

Tips

1. Cool down first.
2. Keep it brief and warm.
3. Talk, don't just text.

Find the right words for every moment in True Love Messages →